Snoozegal

A new beginning

2008-09-23T12:38:00.001+08:00

A dear fren recently commented on my blog being 'dead' for pretty much a year. Thus I have decided to revive it, starting with a new outlook, hoping this will also give me a fresh perspective to life. Mainly my life. Keke...

2007-01-13T16:11:00.000+08:00

JuHuaTai Instrument

2007-01-13T16:10:00.000+08:00

今天你要嫁给我

2007-01-13T16:06:00.000+08:00

Ju Hua Tai KTV

2007-01-13T15:59:00.000+08:00

Ping Guan - Wu Ke Jiu Yao

2006-11-26T17:54:00.000+08:00

F.I.R-天天夜夜

Niceeee

Super busy

2006-10-22T13:12:00.000+08:00

Haha have been neglecting my wonderful blog for like almost 3 mths cos i have just been terribly busy!! Argghhhh i shul have not been such a smart aleck and taken 6 modules (courses) this semester. It is not so much about tests but rather projects and projects and more PROJECTS and of course all those silly little weekly homework assignments.. And on top of all the five pojects i got, there is this MEGA super duper Final Yr Proj that alone is enough to drive anyone crazy.. Haha it is a wonder how i managed to survive these couple of mths BUT at least this sem is coming to an end in less than 2mths and i will only have to focus on finishing up my FYP in Dec. Haha FYP alone i can take it . In actual fact i think i do enjoy FYP. I must be sadistic. hehe anyway i have some random picts that i took during this semester. Oh and in case you didnt notice from the picts .. hehe i have taken out my braces .. chio chio liao!!!

Anyway, Sandy, i am really excited to meet up with u in NOV !!! Its been like a yr........

Xin Wang (HK) Cafe

2006-07-30T00:35:00.000+08:00

Went back to Xin Wang (HK) Cafe at Kovan on thursday even though i just went there last sat with the girls before our ktv session. Haha but this time with Quan hehe had to intro him to this place. i am hooked on their Yuan Yang!!! Haha but i still shared with Quan cos the cup is quite huge and esp after the ice melts, you really got lots of Yuan Yang! Hehe tried the French toast again too and i realised my butter was missing the last time!!! Sobz Sobz i got cheated of an essential flavouring.. But if anyone wants to try the French toast it is better if u have got someone to share with cos you could get quite sick of it. Usually just half of it is enough to satisfy me. Lastly we tried fish fillet baked rice which was absolutely yummy hehe i think the fish and the cheese texture went really well. Also i realised if you try it with chinese green chilli, it can really give you a 'kai1 wei4' feeling. Hehe of course even with the good food, we did not forget to take some picts though the quality not so good cos taken by a camera phone. :)

My KTV session with the gals :)

2006-07-28T21:53:00.000+08:00

Took some pretty nice picts but then the KTV session was kind of runied by the terrible service haha never going back to that K- Box outlet....

2006-07-03T13:05:00.000+08:00

Ronan Keating - I Hope You Dance

Hehe Huaiwen saw this song lyrics on your blog. So dedicating this to u :) Hehe not the Lee Ann Womack version though...

2006-07-03T12:58:00.000+08:00

5566 Boyfriend

2006-07-03T12:34:00.000+08:00

[MV]莫文蔚(Karen Mok)---手(Hand)

Niceeeeee...

Cool AD .. Maybe i will need it one day...Muahaha

2006-07-03T12:28:00.000+08:00

Evolution!!!

2006-07-03T12:13:00.000+08:00

Sch Life during my time

2006-06-21T21:47:00.000+08:00

School-life during my time..

1. You grew up watching He-man, MASK,Transformers, Silver hawk and Mickey Mouse. Not to forget, Ninja turtles, My Little Pony and Smurfs too.
2. You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in Primary school during recess time. You will squat by a drain with all your classmates beside you, and brush your teeth with a coloured mug.The teachers said you must brush each side 10 times too.
3. You know what SBC stands for.
4. You pay 40 cents for Chocolate or Strawberry MILK every week in class.
5. You watch a very popular Malay dubbed Japanese drama on RTM1 about schoolgirls who possess powerful skills in volleyball called Meoro Attack.
6. You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in Secondary school.
7. SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned. The bus seats are made of wood and the cushion is red. The big red bell gives a loud BEEEP! when pressed. There are colourful tickets forTIBS buses.The conductor will check for tickets by using a machine which punches a hole in the ticket.
8. Envelopes given to us to donate to Sharity Elephant every Children's Day
9. You've probably read Young Generation magazine.You know who's Vinny the little vampire and Acai the constable.
10. You were there when they first introduced MRT here. You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to see the scenery.
11. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50.
12. Gals are fascinated by Strawberry Short Cake and Barbie Dolls.
13. You learn to laugh like The Count in Sesame Street.
14. You longed to buy tibits called Kaka(20 cents per pack),and Ding Dang(50 cents per box), that had a toy in it and it changes every week not forgetting the 15 cents animal crackers and the ring pop, where the lollipop is the diamond on the ring.
15. You watched TV2(also known as Channel 10) cartoons because Channel ? never had enough cartoons for you.
16. Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The Three Investigators, Famous Five and Secret Seven are probably the thickest story books you ever thought you have read. Even Sweet Valley High and Malory Towers.
17. KFC used to be a high class restaurant that serve food in plates and let you use metal forks and knives.
18. The most vulgar thing you said was asshole and idiot and THE MOST EXTREME WAS 'super white'...you just couldn't bring yourself to say the hokkien relative.
19. Catching was the IN thing and twist as the magic word.
20. Your English workbooks was made of some damn poor quality paper that was smooth and yellow.
21. CDIS were your bestfriend.
22. The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixellisedcharacters in 16 colours walking about trying to teach you maths.
23. Waterbottles were slinged around your neck and a must everywhere you go.
24. Boys loved to play soccer with small plastic balls in the basketballcourt.
25. Teng-teng, batu lesung, chapteh, hentam bola and zero point were all the rage with the girls and boys too...
26. Science was fun with the balsam and the angsana being the mostimportant plants of our lives, guppies and swordtail being the most important fish.
27. Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei and John, eternalized in ourminds from the textbooks. Even Mr Wally & Mr. Yakki. What abt Miss Lala??? And Zaki and Tini in Malay Textbooks?
28. We carry out experiments of our own to get ourself badges for being a Young Zoologist/Botanist etc.
29. Every children's day and national day you either get pins orpenswith 'HappyChildren's Day 1993' or dumbfiles with Happy National Day1994'.
30. In Primary six you had to play buddy for the younger kids like big sister and brother.
31. We wear BM2000, BATA, or Pallas shoes.
32. Your form teacher taught you maths,science and english.
33. The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality.
34. You went to school in slippers and a raincoat when it rained, and you find a dry spot in the school to sit down, dry your feet, and wear your dry and warm socks and shoes.
35. School dismissal time was normally around 1 pm.
36. There would be spelling tests and mental sums to do almosteveryday.
37. Your friends considered you lucky and rich if your parents gave you $3 or more for pocket money everyday.
38. You see Wee Kim Wee's face in the school hall.
39. You freak out when the teacher tells you to line up according to height and hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl.
40. Boys like to catch fighting spiders.
41. Collecting and battling erasers was a pastime for boys
42. Autograph books were loaded with "Best Wishes", "Forget Me Not", and small poems like "Bird fly high, hard to catch.Friend like you, hard to forget".
43. Class monitors and prefects loved to say "You talk somemore, Iwrite your name ah!"
44. There were at least 40 people in one class.
45. Large, colourful schoolbags were carried.
46. You used a ruler to divide the space between you and the person sitting next to you and forbid him/her from crossing the "line".
47. You brought every single book to school, even though there was one thing called the timetable.

I miss those times. Dont you?

HK Trip!!!!

2006-06-21T00:38:00.000+08:00

This is one of the best trips i had in my life. Accompanied by my fave person, being able to meet up with Tiffany, shopping and playing !!! And the picts tells it all....

At HK uni STARBUCKS- where is tiffany???

I just love the smile.. aww i am falling in love with that smile

Finally met up with Tiffany and we got introduced to super duper Crystal Jade quality porridge and wanton mee..Sedap!!!!

Dont i look like an air stewardess here? -Moving house to Kowloon from Causeway Bay

Where is the train??- Waiting at Causeway Bay MTR station

Crowded crowded train...Woohooo one fun day ahead!!-Me and quan at the entrance of Ocean Park

Scary scary cable car!! So high!! Almost vertical at places and so many 'stationary viewpoints' ( cable car stops when the wind is too strong)

My "i am scared" look

Cable car trip was so long we started taking funny picts- Hey quan play cheat why never pose funny!!

Us and the cutest seal!!- This seal is flitartious!!

Hello Hello????- Me pretending to use the phone

And then there was Old Grandpa Goat. Spot the Fake:)

Whee. And the horses went round and round

Oh dont u love this cute otter ( hehe it is fake!!)

Ahh!!!! Dino spotted!!! he must have a tough time looking for shoes his sizeUs and Prof sea turtle- Doesnt he look wise??

Say Hi!!

Beautiful scenery to end the day

To be contd......

Tracking my recovery from my jaw operation- Day 1, Day 2, Day 3 & Day 4

2006-06-20T17:00:00.000+08:00

1 st june Admitted to hospital.

Supposed to check in at 130 but only arrived at 145 and yet we were told that there were no beds available !!! Horrors! Never knew the hospital was such a hot place to be at haha. Had to wait till 330 till my bed was ready. Meanwhile during the loooooong wait, my anathesist called me when she culdn find me at the ward. Haha she must have thought i chickened out and fled the country hehe. My dad was still telling me i cul back out anytime i want until the very last minute. Anyway during the wait we went to the foodcourt at the hospital and wow the food there sucks big time and is more expensive somemore. I ordered popiah and yet when it came it was so soggy and it costs 1.70 somemore. Stupid hospital foodcourt.

Arrived at my ward and was a bit afraid cos of the aunties around me lucky i had my sis, dad, quan and mickey with me. The nurse explained some stuff and then asked me to change into the hospital pjs haha i boldly requested to contd wear my own clothes. Luckily i was allowed to at least for today but tml when i go for the operation i got to change liao. Phew cos the hospital pjs pattern is so distasteful haha with a little lace and all. Also i was not really a patient patient so did not want to get too into the mood hehe at least not yet.

Then we had to wait again, wait for my dental surgeon to come chat with me. Haha and when she finally arrived at 5++ pm she only chatted for like 10mins and left. My sis who was waiting to go buy her sports shoes at Queensway felt so cheated haha now i finally conclude hospital=waiting!

As my sis and dad left to buy shoes, I was served dinner which comprised of fish and cabbage with rice and a banana. i managed to finish all except the cabbage and rice. haha and of course i ordered takeaway hehe. Quan came back with Burger King's Hershley pie and a Whooper JR meal!! Hehe yummy yummy. Oh i forgot to add that i after 12am i was not supposed to eat or drink anymore so explains the pigging out.

My dad and sis came back to see me but left shortly after as there was not much to be done anyway. As the patients went to sleep at 830pm, me and quan went to the dayroom (Tv lounge) The tv was fixed at channel 8 which was fine since i wanted to watch channel 8 from 9pm-10pm but at 10pm i wanted to watch 'Da Chang Jing' on channel U!!! hehe so i went in search for a nurse. Initally the nurse was relcutant and said that she had to off the tv at 11pm and i was like yup i know i will watch only for one hr of channel U. Then she finally gave in and said but at 11pm i must come back and sleep which i gladly agreed. Haha Bossy bossy me!At 11pm i went back to bed and quan left after tucking me in. Plugging in my ipod i tried to sleep but guess i was a little scared and felt all alone so cried a little before i went to sleep. Drank my last bit of water at 1145pm.

Was woken up by a auntie wheezing loudly at 2am.But other than that i slept quite ok though woke up a couple of times more guess i wasnt used to sleeping at the hospital haha erm not guess i am sure i was not used to sleeping at the hospital.

2nd june Operation day

Woke up at 830am which is quite early considering that i always sleep till 10 or 11. But the aunties were all awake. They actually woke up at 630 when the nurse was going around taking blood pressure and temperature readings. Mum and dad came and shooed me out of bed to go bathe hehe enough lazying they said. During my bath a nurse came and called out to me, " Auntie Auntie are u ok in there?" Haha and when i said i was ok she must have been shocked at my young voice and asked me which ward i was from. Haha first time someone calls me auntie.

At 9++am , a nurse comes and hands me an operation gown to change into, saying that the doctor was waiting for me. In the toilet, i confidently put on the gown and while i was tying the many ribbons at the front a nurse calls out saying she will help me tie those ribbons. When i came out of the toilet, the nurse was like," oh no you have got it on the wrong way round". What an embarrassment. Anyway after the ribbons were tied at the back by the nurse and i was walking out of the toilet, she called me back again saying that the gown was too exposed at the back and that i had better wear my pjs bottom too and that not to worry she will 'protect' me the way back to my ward. A really funny nurse but i am glad she was funny if not the situation would be so embarrassing. There is something abt operation gowns that make you feel so vulnerable. I wonder is it because of the fact that it is a thin sheet held close by ribbons only. When i got back to the ward, i start to get nervous as i see the trolley bed all ready for me. Lying on the trolley bed, even without my specs, i culd feel everyone in the ward looking at me as i was wheeled out of the ward. I start getting scared as i am wheeled past through the corridors into lifts out of lifts. I could see my parents and quan hurrying along beside me. I wish someone cul hold my hand. Tears start to roll down. The nurse comforts me and says," dont cry the doctors will take good care of you." Finally i am wheeled into a room and my parents and quan are left outside. The room is so spacey and bright. I can hear someone saying, " where is your balloon oh no more" There must be a kid here and maybe that is the kid's mum. i wish i was a kid too so my mum would be allowed in here with me. i am left lying there alone trying to comfort myself and to stop crying but i just culdn stop. I was so scared. i did not know why i was there and what i was waiting for. Is this the room where the anathesist puts me to sleep? i have no idea. i make out two blurry nurses talking on my right. And i wonder why are they so calm. But then of course they are calm this is their job is just like me going to work as a cashier in the polyclinic. Anyway i am going crazy with anxiety that i am starting to have a conversation in my head. All the while i am trying to stop crying and wishing someone would come. Finally a nurse comes and checks my identity with me. She realises i am crying and came back with a wad of tissue papers saying dont cry k? Finally i am wheeled to the two nurses on my right and lifted to another trolley bed. All the while i am thinking why cant i just get down and climb onto the next bed myself it is not as if i am drugged or anything. Such lifting of me makes me feel like i am a super weak patient. I am scared and starts to cry again. As the two nurses pushes me down a dark corridor, one of them checks my identity again. I choked out my IC no. And the sound of my voice makes me feel even more scared. I am wheeled into a small room where there is lots of activity going on. Many nurses start checking on my identity. Finally i see my anathesist and feel a bit comforted at the familiar face. She checks with her in charge as to whether to put in the IV drip now. Her in charge replies to wheel me into the operation table and that she will do the IV drip there. I am scared i feel like asking if they can put in the iv drip after they have put me to sleep cos i am so scared of the pain. But i am just too terrified to speak. The anathesist in charge is so professional she seems cold. It seems as if to her, i am just another body to work on. Which makes me feel worse. I am transferred to the operating table and i remember staring up at the lights and thinking they look exactely like those on TV. Finally i see my dental surgeon and when she sees me crying. She comes stand on my right, holding my hand close to her and comforts me calling me not to be scared while the anathesist in charge is working on finding the vein to put the IV drip on my left. I am too relieved to have someone i know there comforting me that even when the IV drip entered it was tolerable as compared to my fear. Someone props me up and hands me a tissue, asking me to blow hard into it. Then they lay me on the table and someone asks the anathesist in charge something which prompted a sharp reply from her, " Do you want someone sticking a tube in your nose when you are awake?" I felt a bit of relief but also pitied the person who was scolded. A gas mask was put over my nose and i was told it was oxygen and to breathe normally. Then a voice said that they are going to put the anathesia and to contd breathing normally. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale.Exhale. Inhale........... I was gone to dreamland.

When i woke up all groggy, i was lying in a small white room all alone. I did not dare move a muscle. A nurse comes put a tube up my nose sucking what i could not see. i am left alone again. i hear an auntie groaning. Nurses shouting auntie auntie you cannot get up. The nurses start sounding irritated. The auntie's groans get louder. I start getting frightened. Feeling like shouting can someone get me out of here. Finally what seemed like forever i feel the bed being wheeled. Then all of a sudden i felt like puking. But with my mouth all tied up i culdn open my mouth to puke and the puke just dripped out. I recoiled in horror when i saw what i had puked. I had puked blood. I start crying.

When i am wheeled out of the place, i see my parents and quan. I tried to lift my hand wishing someone would hold my hand. i think quan finally did. i cant remember i was too groggy. While waiting for the lift, i see my dad turn away for a while. i think the sight of me must have upset him. i feel sad myself. Finally i reach my high dependency ward, two china nurses comes to transfer me to the bed and change my clothes. I think it must have been soiled by my blood. i culd hear the inexperience of one of the nurses in their conversation. As they moved me, it hurt. I felt like screaming "no dont touch me".

Finally i was all changed and as the curtains were drawn back, i culd see my parents and quan standing around my bed. I motioned to hold my mum's hand and from her hand, i drew comfort. I must have looked a mess with the IV drip on my left arm, a tube running from my stomach out thru my nose, tubes running out from my mouth making my throat so sore, a urinary tube which i dont remem if i ever did use it but i remem controlling my bladder so i wont use it. There was a sensor thing clipped to my finger on the right which measured my oxygen level and heartbeat. And on my right arm, the blood pressure guage took my blood pressure at intervals. I culdn breathe very well and the nurses used a suction tube through my nose and throat to draw out the blood and phlegm whenever i ask for it.

Since i could not speak, all communication were done via me doodling on a paper. i knew that my handwriting was almost illegible as i was so groggy and i could feel my words running all over the board. It was a wonder anyone could read my handwriting.

It was extremely uncomfortable. With me drifting in and out of sleep, sometimes feeling unable to breathe. My throat felt so sore with the tubes in it. Suddenly i would have convulsions in my stomach and i would puke. Even if i had nothing to puke out. The nurse would then use the tube through my nose to suck out any stomach fluid till there was nothing to be sucked. But i still contd puking and I had to be given injections to stop the puking. Before all this i was so afraid of needles but i gladly welcomed the injections if it meant my stomach would stop its nonsense. My left arm with the IV drip felt so ever painful i did not dare move it at all. Once a nurse inserted a suction tube so deep into my nose i cringed.

In the night, i drifted in and out of sleep. i hated waking up cos everytime when i wake up i am conscious of how uncomfortable i am. Once when the nurse came to help me with the suction she told me to bear with it and that the tubes would most likely be coming out tml when the doctor comes. My heart soared. Each time when i woke up after that i wul be thinking i wonder what time is it now. Why isnt it daylight already. Oh i want it to be tml now.

Something really terrifying happened in the night. Alth my mum and quan had stayed back in the hospital they were not allowed to stay by my bedside. So i was all alone in the ward with the other patients. All the while i had managed to catch the nurse on their way to helping the other patients when i needed any suction. But this time as i laid in the dark there was no one, so i tried to push the nurse call button on my right. i pressed and waited many times but still no one came. Even though my left arm hurt immensely, i tried pressing for the nurse call button on the left and still no one came. I felt so scared. I thought if any serious thing shul happen now i cul die since i culdn call out for help at all. I tried hitting my sensor thingy against the bed to make some noise but still no one came. In my last desperate attempt, i kicked the board with my writing paper of the bed. It fell to the floor but still no one came. Finally i gave up and waited. After what seemed like forever, a nurse came to check up on other patients. i waved to get her attention and motioned that i pressed the nurse call button but no nurse came. Only then did the nurse realise that my nurse call button at the sides of my bed was spoilt and passed me something to press instead!! What the heck and it was supposed to be the high dependency ward! i was so frightened i asked for her to call my mum in. And my mum stayed with me thru the rest of the night. My mum said a beautiful thing to me as she stroked my hair, she said i looked pretty. i didnt really belive her but it was comforting to hear.

3rd June. Tubes gone. i must recover .

At 8++ am, medicine time. The medicine stinged as it went thru my IV drip. I puked again and again. An injection was adminitstered. My 2 dental surgeons and their assistant doctor came to check on me. I laid there all groggy but i had this burning qn. " When will the tubes be taken out?" I wrote. My dental surgeon said 10am, the assistant doct said no need so long, can be taken out at 930am. My heart danced. The tubes could be taken out. The doctors asked me to rate on a scale of one to ten the pain in my face and my left arm. I rated an 2 and an 8 respectively. They checked on my arm and realised my entire arm to be swollen. " The IV tube must be taken out and put in the right arm" I cringed when i heard it not the right arm. "If she can eat the medicine orally, then i think there is no need for the IV tube." Yes yes i felt like screaming. i will endure the bitterness of the medicine if it means taking out the damn IV tube and never putting it back again. After the doctors left, i waited for the clock to work its magic for it be 930am asap. At about 9++, nurses came to remove my nose tube, urinary tube and IV drip. Thinking abt how the nose tube was pulled out all the way from my stomach, is totally stomach wrenching. But when all the tubes less those in my throat were removed, i felt so much better.

They wheeled me down to the dental clinic at 930am where the assistant was supposed to remove the remaining tubes. I must have looked a mess with two little balls collecting what i think it was blood hanging out from my mouth. I just sat down in the wheelchair feeling so groggy. When i reached the clinic, the asst was not there yet and the nurse helped me up to take an x-ray. i held firmly to the hand rails and pushed myself up and out from the wheelchair.Suddenly staring right in front of me was a very small reflective surface or was it a mirror. i think there must have been a look of horror on my face cos the nurse asked me whether it was the first time i had looked at myself. i cant even remember the image now. i only remember thinking this cant be me. When the assistant doct arrived, the removal of the tubes were fast and he showed me how to gurgle my mouth using the mouthwash and feed myself using a syringe. He repeatedly told me it was now up to me to recover, try to go to the dayroom, walk around if u have energy, do not keep sleeping or lying down. he said we are going to aim for u to be discharged on sun. if u can show us everything is well and you can drink your medicine and drinks. SUN!!! Which is tml. Yeah i can get out soon. i must recover. i must let them discharge me tml. i must i must.

Returning back to the ward, i wasted no time. Initially i wanted to bathe cos i knew i would feel so much better after i bathed but the nurse told me i cul bathe after i got moved to the normal ward and i wul have a lot of time to bathe. So i decided to walk around. With quan helping me, i slowly walked to the dayroom. At the dayroom, i slowly walked back and forth in the dayroom. Stopping to sit and rest after i had made one complete circle of the room.My sis came to inform me that i had been moved to another ward. When we went to the new ward, my sis helped me to bathe. After the bathe i felt so much better. I stood in front of the toilet mirror, taking in the freakish swollen face, the stretch marks at the corners of my mouth. I didnt look human at all.

Knowing my sis and quan had not had their lunch, i offered to go down with them to the foodcourt to eat. Luckily i had already packed a cap in my bag. So armed with a cap and mickey to hide my swollen face, we made our way down to the foodcourt. I cul see pple staring at me but i pressed on, bringing mickey closer to me. hoping that its ears proved enough coverage. we sat in the furtherest corner with me back facing the crowd. Luckily i survived the trip but came back to the ward feeling exhausted and with a headache.

I think that day i only had 1/2 cup of milk, 1/2 cup of milo, 1/4 cup of ensure milk and medicine with lots of barley. I cried while eating the medicine as it was so bitter. I spent most of the remaining day in the dayroom and my sis managed to ask the nurse to switch the channel from channelnews asia to channel U which was a blessing. In the dayroom, there were other people but they did not look at me wierdly or anything. I guess is cos it is in the hospital so me looking like this was normal. Everything was ok until some noisy malay kids came. They annoyed everyone by opening the dayroom door saying that "only patients allowed" in a ghostly voice then running away. Finally when they entered the room they looked at me and whispered and giggled. I consoled myself that they were just kids. That night was a sleepless night as my tummy ached constantly and i culdn breathe very well. My mum thought i had a fever but lucky i didnt. I was having lttle nose bleeds here and there. Once when i culdn breathe very well, i found out that there were large dried up clots of blood in my nose. Horrors. I cant wait to go home. At 6++ am, i asked my mum to helped me to bathe so i cul feel better. And again we waited till it was the doctor's rounds so i cul ask if they wul discharge me. i was so afraid they would not agree.

4th june I am discharged.

The doctor say i could be discharged!! And i need not wait till it was one pm ( the normal discharge time) . I cul go once i had gotten the medicine from the pharmacy. We left the hospital at abt 10am. I was so happy but so tired at the same time. The trip back home was horrible. As i sat in the car, i felt like i culdn breathe properly. And the sun was so shiny it was giving me a headache. Finally we reached home. When we walked from the basement to the lifts, there was a lift abt to close, my mum rushed to it wanting to take the lift filled with pple. i adamantly stood facing another lift waiting for it to come , back facing my mum even though my mum was calling out to me. I refuse to take a lift with other people in it. I do not want to meet people. I could feel tears forming in my eyes.

Back home, i drank a whole cup of milo and went to sleep. Woke up and drank 1/2 a cup of ensure milk, slept, watched some tv. When it was time for bed, i wrote to my sis when my parents were not around, that i felt so weak and i felt like i cul never recover and i regretted doing the op. Later on my dad saw what i wrote and told me that i shul never regret and that i must try to eat more even though i dont like the taste of the milk. i must eat so i will get strong. Then on when i was fed with the ensure milk, i chanted to myself this " i must eat so i will get strong", forcing myself to drink more. Luckily my mum bought the powder form of ensure milk and we realised that is was so much yummier than the instant version. Lucky me cos seriously i cul not stand to drink one whole cup of instant ensure milk no matter how much i pressed on. The most i cul drink was 1/2 a cup.

5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th..... On the road to recovery.

H.A.T.E

2006-06-10T17:13:00.000+08:00

I HATE eating the same food over and over again for the past week. Ensure, Honey, Water, Watermelon juice, Medicine, Soya bean milk.

I HATE Routine. 8.30 am wake up and drink your milk, eat your medicine with the honey water. 9am go bathe. 9.30am watch tv or use laptop. 11am drink milk. 1pm sleep. 2pm use the laptop and watch dl movies till 6pm. 3pm drink soya bean milk, brush teeth,use mouthwash. 7pm watch tv all the way till 11pm. 7pm drink milk. 8.30pm eat medicine with honey water, bathe. 11pm drink milk. 11.20pm brush teeth, use mouthwash. 11.30 sleep. 5.30am drink milk.

I HATE being at home. I feel like a prisoner, jailed up at home. No where can i go. Only the tv and my laptop.

I HATE my decision to do the op.

In Loving Memory of Girl Girl and Baby

2006-04-11T08:54:00.000+08:00

All 4 of us celebrating our March Bdaes together. Missing you sweeties dearly. U gals were always there for me. Hope you are happy in Hammie Heaven.

Girl Girl: Intelligent hammie who responded to her name. Even when she is walking around the room just call her name and she comes scrambling to you. Attention seeker. When she wants to come out cleverly uses her paws to just play with the wheel, without even running in the wheel. When someone places a hand in her cage she automatically hops into your palm to be carried. Will hop on two legs like humans to beg for treats. Loves star nuts. Doesnt like humans kissing her face.

Passed away: 3rd April 2006

Baby: Super affectionate hammie. Likes lots of cuddles and kisses but once she has enough of your kisses she will use her paws to push you away. A bit lazy but when hears action outside her cage will come running to the cage door. Loves star nuts. Loves cuddling in the little pink corner of hers and when she needs to confirm someone is calling her will pop her little nose through the little hole at the pink corner to smell your finger pressed against the hole.

Passed away: 9th April

A man takes the ferry home from work

2006-03-31T12:22:00.000+08:00

John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain.When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. Smith, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat."How did you like that jump, buddy?" said a proud John to a deck hand."It was great," said the sailor. "But why didn't you wait? We were just pulling in!"

You cant bring that dog in this bar

2006-03-31T12:17:00.000+08:00

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

22 Years old !!

2006-03-26T23:10:00.000+08:00

I am officially 22 years old.. Have been 22 for the past 3 days.. Hehe here are some of the photos i took on my little bdae gathering with my classmates and the 12mn little party with my hammies, quan and sis :)

I have been neglecting my blog!!

2006-03-13T23:19:00.000+08:00

Milford Sounds - Breathtaking postcard pict
I cant even remember where i took this pict but it was taken while i was in the car.
Bluff- Land's end.

Someone pls shoot me for the henious crime i have committed - neglecting my blog. To make myself feel better haha i have chosen the easy way out of sharing pictures :) Here are some pictures i took on my trip around the most beautiful south island of NZ. I love NZ!!!Mooooooooooooooo.....Baaaaa..

Friends & Disappointment

2006-02-12T14:41:00.000+08:00

I believe the greatest disappointment that you can feel is those caused by people you held dearly to your heart. Which reminds me of this phrase " With no expectations there will be non disappointment". So i believe this entry will be full of expectations and disappointments.

I do not expect friends to not be friends with anyone that I do not like. Cos this is just plain silliness.

But i do expect them to understand what hurt the person has caused me.

Even though i may have returned from NZ with the intentions of letting bygones bygones but if you were to come request me to patch things up just because of what she said about not attending outings because i attend them and not wanting to when your enemies are going, I expect you to understand that it not only hurts me cos it shows even when i am in NZ she is doing exactly what i hate about her and that is trying to get people on her side, making her seem like an angel and me the devil. And apparently since u guys came to ask me to patch up, i can see that she has succeeded. And it is not as if I did not attend outings cos she is going. So can someone tell me why and i ask WHY must i go patch up with her. May i congratulate you guys on opening almost healed wounds and making me cry buckets as my new year's gift.

Then you the person which i thought was my good friend comes to tell me about the dinner that i was not invited to cos she was invited. I have only one question in my mind. If you are my good friend, then should you not know that informing me of such stuff which just open fresh wounds.

Worse, you try to imply person A's not going to the dinner cos the person i detest is going is due to person A being my good friend. Even when i tell you that i do not go around influencing what others think. Then i am totally disappointed in you and seriously have nothing to say to you.

Xiaoyan says " Love those who are worth your love". Maybe it is time for me to reflect who are my true friends. True friends that knows how to protect you from hurt instead of causing you hurt. True friends who understands although i look like it does not matter to me but it hurts me deeply. True friends who understand that even if i do not go around telling people what hateful things the person has done to me but based on what you know about me that for me to hate someone the person must have done something really really bad to me.

It is at times like this when I wish i was back in NZ. When i do not need to face such things. When i can just hang out with people i love. When i can talk to 'uncle agony' and his sidekick.

But of course i cant be back in NZ anytijme soon so i guess i just have to surround myself with people who loves me. I need a hug.

What type of a Blogger are you??

2006-02-12T14:36:00.000+08:00

Are you those that usually blog only when

a) you are happy?
b) stressed?
c) sad?
d) or when there is something that happened in your life no matter how minor and you just need to share it?

I think i belong to group C. Which explains my next blog entry.

My recent Sentosa Trip

2006-01-13T16:51:00.000+08:00

&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;I went to Sentosa with Quan last weekend and here is some of the picts we took:)

We visited the Pink Dolphin Lagoon. It was my first time seeing the pink dolphins and they were really clever and soooooooo cute! Oh and we went to Underwater World too and saw lots of jelly fish, sea angels, sharks, some enormous fishes and even a du gong which we nearly missed. Oh and i touched starfish, shark and stingray in the Touch Pool hehe soooo fun!!It has been a long time since i went to Underwater World.. Hmm maybe i should go to the Singapore Zoological zoo someday too haha.

I also went on the newly operating chair lift and took the luge down. The scenery on the chairlift ride was not bad but i was frozen in my seat cos of the height. Think i am really scared of heights haha but i still want to try paragliding, bungee jumping, sky diving etc! I am out of my mind haha. The luge was really fun though. it was like the go cart but safer and easier to control. hehe just right for me:)

Oh and the most interesting thing was seeing Quan eat Ben & Jerry's ice cream. He looked just like a satisfed little boy eating the ice cream. Really really cute. Haha now I know what i can use as "bait" hehe.

But the sad thing was that it kept raining and so my goal to get tanned went down the drain. However we managed to play some car racing arcade games and i managed to win Quan once! Yeah! hehe oh and my fastest time for one run was always shorter than Quan hehe. Quan is so going to kill me when he reads this haha.

A Special song

2006-01-13T13:34:00.000+08:00

On my way to work today, I was listening to the radio as usual. Suddenly a familiar tune started playing.. I was really surprised cos it was the first time listening to this song ever since i came back to spore. As the song played, many fun memories came to mind. The ultimate memory was the time when we singing at the top of our voices in the car. I think if anyone heard us, they must think we were crazy. I still remember there was this crazy person sitting at the back who was shouting " Feeling! Must sing with feeling!" haha really silly yet memorable, SUPER RANDOM " Karoke session".

Today's mood: Cloudy skies with possible showers

2005-12-15T08:37:00.000+08:00

Sigh i think i can no longer take friends leaving.. In a short period of less than a mth, i see my frens come an go or rather me come and go.. The words " Parting is such sweet sorrow" make me wonder where is the sweetness in parting? Anyone pls help me with this.

Some pict in Spore

2005-12-07T09:20:00.000+08:00

At Fei chui eating yummy fish and century egg porridge. Very very fresh and yummy fish!

Me and my mango smoothie at cafe cartel- matching colours !!

First post in Spore

2005-12-07T08:42:00.000+08:00

Sorry peeps have not been updating my blog for a very very long time. Reason is ever since i got back to spore everything has been moving really fast. Here is a timeline of things that happened:

1.Touched down on the 25th Nov (Fri) evening

2. 26th:Something happened hehe

3. 27th: spent lots of $$ bought a whole set of clothes (skirt and top) plus shoes for my internship interview. Cut my hair and did my eyebrows. Haha felt so poor my clothes cost abt $120!!! Expensive!! hehe but my dad offered to sponsor me .. hmm should i ask for him to sponsor???

4. 28th:Internship meet up at Veolia Water Systems. Haha and i thought it was an interview until i got there and i was all dressed up which in my mum's words, " a lawyer". hehe so cool aiyah should have taken a pict hehe. Anyway my internship is really cool cos i am going to be in the projects team for the building of Kranji NEWater plant and i will be around for the commissioning etc. Really cool better then just going to work in the office hehe i can actually go on site! Expecting to learn a lot :)

5. 1st Dec: Had a dental appt and found out i could do the operation during my upcoming 3mth hols. Excited hehe

6. 2nd: Started my internship.

So guys pls do not blame me for not updating my blog. Work is TOUGH!! By the time i get home i just want to crash on the bed or stone in front of the TV. Aiyah but i know that Mark still needs my holiday updates which i shall try to get it up this week k?

I miss NZ, the sky, stars and the friends. But i guess i am still doing great hehe. Usually when i am working i get to meet some pple online like melvin, carol.. but cos i am working then my desk is not very strategically positioned so cant really talk much.. hehe so if i go off suddenly pls do not be offended, it just means i am working :)

haha anyway if some of u guys are wondering why i can blog in the morn when i am supposed to be at work. Cos my project manager asked me to wait for the asst manager to come in and then she will give me work but so far she is not here yet . Hehe so i got nothing to do . Totally nothing so also cant bluff like i got things to do haha. Anyway my project manager is really nice he is an ang moh and he is very funny whenever i ask him for work to do he is very afraid hehe cos it means he must go find work for me. But with the asst pm back, think she will be the one to find work for me :) but still my pm is really nice always says how much i am helping them with whatever i do :)

The 2nd day after the exam

2005-11-09T05:16:00.000+08:00

Finished my exam on a good note on mon:) So i am happy:) Anyway went shopping yesterday but again being my normal 'think too much' self i only bought a puma skirt.. Sigh then come back and regret not buying more stuff but i think i need my shopping partner :) hehe so tiffany i wan go shopping with u!! Anyway my internet connection to the hall will be disconnected tonight.. so i wont be coming online that often to update my blog and stuff so maybe the next blogging entry will be when i am in singapore.. hmmm that sounds so soon yet so far.. it seems like only yester i reached nz all alone and was afraid of the dark corridor, the banging kitchen door, and was so miserable i cried myself to sleep. But again that was the only night i cried. So i guess it was an acomplishment for me but i think it was also cos of the friendly pple i met.. esp Carol who was the one who took the effort to bring me into her social circle... i miss u carol!It seems strange knowing that i am not going to see u anytime soon. KK i better not think abt unpleasant thoughts. Melvin asked me,' will u cry when u leave?' I think anyone who knows me well will know the ans to that and i shall say no more :). Anyone wants anything from NZ, pls tell me k? I am cracking my head to buy gifts for all u guys. hehe for mar is easy, anything pink...

Pls do the autograph for me:)

2005-11-06T13:49:00.000+08:00

Hey guys just want to say for those who do not like to write autographs but are doing it for me.. a big thankew!! I really really appreciate it. :)

To those who have finished their exams and not yet started or are unwilling to do eg..... haha pls pls do it.. i hope to be able to have a complete set of autographs from all the great frens i made in NZ. it will serve as a memory of you the very special you. A photo, a phrase, a joke, a song, an experience we shared... Anything.. Oh and dont forget your contacts.. email, msn, mailing address etc etc..

Oh and i am leaving on the 25th Novfor spore. Will be in chch prbably till the 9th then will be touring the south island and back on the 24th..Just to help you guys figure out when you can pass it to me.

Some pple have left liao.. so guys pls do not disappoint me further .. i do remember the phrase" no expectations = no disappointment " But i have faith that u guys wont disppoint me.. hehe the pressure is on:)

Creeping back on me

2005-11-04T04:33:00.000+08:00

The feeling is creeping back on me but i am fighting it..

To me: It doesnt matter either way, any way, every way.

Just a thought

2005-11-03T13:40:00.000+08:00

Does the grass always seem greener on the other side?

After my psychology paper

2005-11-02T06:08:00.000+08:00

Just finished my paper.. haha very funny cos apparently u are not allowed to leave in the first hour and the last 15 min. I only knew about the latter. Thus i was so surprised when right at 1030( exam started at 930) a lot of pple, almost 75% stood up to hand in the paper. haha which explains why the guy beside me was annoyingly moving around jerkily and scribbling on his paper loudly. In the first place there is nothing to scribble since it is a mcq paper. Haha by that i think i am more an introvert than an extrovet since i am easily stimulated. haha enough of psychology man.. anyway the paper was kind of tough to me at certain parts. I think is cos i dont like the personality part but abnormal psychology and treatment interests me.. Yar so i come to the conclusion that if it interests you, you will do well in it :) hehe so everyone start finiding your interest!Or at least fake that interest in the upcoming papers :) Oh and i managed to be the last person to leave the room haha just before the 15min limit was up:)

Kind of hanging out in crypt waiting for pple to finish their papers so i got someone to hang around with. Was surfing the net when i saw this " whats in a name" link on my friendster, checked it out and here are the results :

Your name: esther liang

Name details
Your name number is the number 7.
Within the family group, you would identify yourself as the thinker, the attentive observer capable of analysing all situations. You are original, perhaps the philosopher of the family, the one who is always in search of knowledge.

Intimacy
Your intimacy number is 3.
A sociable person, amusing, communicative (sometimes a bit too much so) and often very creative.
Some negative points: the desire to be the centre of attention and thus difficulties to accept the stimulation of competition or the presence of competitors. A tendency to do too many things at once and finish none of them. The capacity of defending yourself but mostly with gesticulation. A professor of persuasion, but weaken when flattered. Otherwise, depressed when others dare to ignore you. Prone to underhand behaviour and also to hold excessive grudges.

Desire
Your desire number is 1.
Qualities: The desire to undertake new things, to organise, and to initiate. The search for success and originality. The wish for independence. Pride, panache.
Possible faults: The taste for domination, to be in command. The desire to be praised. A certain manner of egoism and harshness.

haha just for fun but after checking out my name, horoscope etc, I have come to the conclusion that a bad thing about me is that i am competitive and egocentric. haha but no ones perfect man so i will accept it :)

Oh and i checked out my horoscope again haha so here goes :

Aries: 21st March-20th April
RULING PLANET: Mars. MASCULINE, FIRE
KEY WORDS: Assertive, Urgent.
POSITIVE TRAITS: Pioneering and adventurous spirit. Enterprising, Direct, Highly energetic, Loving freedom.
NEGATIVE TRAITS: Selfish, Unsubtle, Always put themselves first, Impulsive, Impatient, Quick tempered.

and here is my weekly horoscope:

Horoscope for week beginning 31 October 2005
by Tony Hyland

If you are single, you will be hoping to meet someone new. This may happen quicker than you expect, however, perhaps you should look closer to home for the love your desire. Someone you have known for a long time may secretly have designs on you, which once you find out will both shock and please you.

Makes me wonder about whether Tiff's tao hua yun is finally coming around to me *winkz*

Just for you..

2005-11-01T13:24:00.000+08:00

Recently you have been feeling kind of confused about stuff, just want to say hang in there and i will always be here if you need to talk. Sometimes i think we just have to follow our heart and think irrationally instead of letting thoughts get in the way. Don't think. Don't foresee. Don't plan. Just LOVE. Cos love doesnt come knocking twice. Hmm but then no regrets k?

So glad i made such a great friend like you in NZ. So going to miss you when we part. But i am sure we will see each other again:) And may ur tao hua yun last till u go back HongKong. Remember is not the outer beauty guys like about you but the inner beauty u possess.Oh and share some tao hua yun leh haha it is my turn to have some too!!BLeh :)

Post-dinner feelings

2005-10-31T04:05:00.000+08:00

First must say so sorry that u guys had to wait esp Hock who was so hungry and nearly ate Heather's house down before dinner was served .. anyway haha i think i shall not be so ambitious next time and prepare food for so many pple.. think i must slowly increase the number of pple i cook for haha.. cos i didnt manage to get the cooking times right since the pot of soup was so large and took such a long time to boil.. think will have to learn from mummy how to cook for many pple before i try to cook for pple liao:)

Anyway in the end i was quite moody cos things didnt turn out so well haha until i had 'happy coke' in me.. Drank a little and spirits went up. Took up a challenge to ate a tequila worm haha really guys is all psychological man haha but then the bad part is you have worm breath hehe so no kissing unless u have a mint. Do remember haha u dun want to gross someone out man.. haha not as if i had anyone to kiss..Snapped lots of photos and i love the group photo haha.. shall post them up soon :) Where is Mark??? Eaten by the green egyptian mummy again i guess. Oh and thanx to Mark's Panda, i won Hock at a playstation fighting game!!! haha cool man hehe first time i win someone who was really trying to prevent me from wining :)

However things got moody again when i got back maybe is cos quan told me abt the confirmed tix back to spore.. and the feeling that i was standing outside of the window looking into this house where my friends were and they were all joking and laughing while i just stood outside, a stranger, a passer by looking into a house. Anyway quan suggested that maybe next time i shul not prepare dinner myself and just treat pple to dinner. OK mental note to myself. Haha anyway on the brighter side, i did not poison anyone :)

Sorry guys in NZ, that dinner was totally not a representative of Singapore's cusine standard.

Ps: Huaiwen and quan alth i cant cook for 9pple but i can cook for 2 lar haha so dun worry i wont poison u guys :)

At the LOFT in the middle of the night -MY first could be last time

2005-10-28T18:35:00.000+08:00

Studying with Tiffany tonight. She is rushing to prepare for her exam essay qn while i am studying industrial pollution control. Kind of got over the shity feeling after the paper today. Guess whats done is done. Anyway once again Huaiwen has proved what a fantastic friend she is. And of course quan is a great friend too. Unlike Mark haha who actually told TW in hokkien that i am moody and to talk to me cos he has no time for me!! haha the shocked expression on his face when he realised i understood that was PRICELESS!!

Anyway thinking of having the peeps over for a 'yu pian tang' dinner but then again my cooking may not be up to their high standards and my hall lounge is too small. So how.. to do it or not..Was thinking that the peeps have been taking such good care of me in NZ, this will be a good way to kind of thank them and also let them have a taste of my fave yu pian tang... What do u think?

Elephant love medley- Nicole Kidman & Euan MacGregor

2005-10-26T19:08:00.000+08:00

Ewan:Love is a many splendored thing
Love lifts us up where we belong
All you need is love
Nicole:Please don't start that again
Ewan:All you need is love
Nicole:A girl has got to eat
Ewan:All you need is love
Nicole:She'll end up on the street
Nicole:Uhh
Ewan:All you need is love
Nicole:Love is just a game
Ewan:I was made for loving you baby
You were made for loving me
Nicole:The only way of loving me baby
Is to pay a lovely fee
Ewan:Just one night
Give me just one night
Nicole:There's no way
Cause you can't pay
Ewan:In the name of love
One night in the name of love
Nicole:You crazy fool
I won't give in to you
Ewan:Don't leave me this way
I can't survive without your sweet love
Oh baby don't leave me this way
Nicole:You think that people would have enough of silly love songs
Ewan:I look around me and I see it isn't so, oh no
Nicole:Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs
Ewan:Well what's wrong with thatI like to know
Cause here I go again
Ewan:Love lifts us up where we belong
Where the eagles fly
On a mountain high
Nicole:Love makes us act like we are fools
Throw our lives away
For one happy day
Ewan:We can be heroes
Just for one day
Nicole:You, you will be mean
Ewan:No I won't
Nicole:And I, I'll drink all the time
Ewan:We should be lovers
Nicole:We can't do that
Ewan:We should be lovers
And that's a fact
Nicole:No nothing would keep us together
Ewan:We could steal time
Ewan & Nicole:Just for one day
We can be heroes
Forever and ever
We can be heroes
Forever and ever
We can be heroes
Ewan:Just because I, and I will always love you
Nicole:I only can't help
Ewan & Nicole:Loving You
Nicole:How wonderful life is now
Ewan and Nicole:You're in the world

Come what May-Nicole Kidman & Euan MacGregor

2005-10-26T18:40:00.000+08:00

Come What May
Never knew I could feel like this

Like I've never seen the sky before

I want to vanish inside your kiss

Every day I'm loving you more and more

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings

Telling me to give you everything

Seasons may change, winter to spring

But I love you until the end of time
Come what may

Come what may

I will love you until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

It all revolves around youAnd there's no mountain too high

No river too wideSing out this song I'll be there by your side

Storm clouds may gatherAnd stars may collide

But I love you until the end of time
Come what may

Come what may

I will love you until my dying day
Oh, come what may, come what mayI will love you, I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Come what may

Come what may

I will love you until my dying day

(It has been a while since i last heard this song)

If i could have just one wish...

2005-10-26T18:38:00.000+08:00

If I could have just one wish.........
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...

Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you... ...

(Such a beautiful poem)

One of the many discussions about life

2005-10-26T04:33:00.000+08:00

You know how things happen in life and once u start talking about them to your good friends you just cant stop. And from those talks everything just seems so much clearer to you. I had such a talk with my dearest 'uncle agony'. (Ps: if you are reading this dont get too worked up over the word 'uncle':) )

Anyway these are a few conclusions i have made about me and my life:

1. I am only 21. Alth i am a super goal oriented person, i need not make any goals, I shul just bump around in my life as in my emotional life haha i dont want to turn out to be a bummer. Smell the roses, sometimes veer off to the less taken road, explore, discover, experience. And eventually rediscover who i am, what i want. ( which by 'uncle agony's' experience will be around 22 23 ) Then shall i set my goals in life.

2. That life is unfair. Haha i already knew that but then sometimes u just need a confirmation. You need to excel in something, anything as long as is something you and only you are really good at. Cos i guess thats what pple will remember you by. I havent found that something so hoepfully i can seek it out. 'Uncle agony' told me that sometimes living a simple life is also something but being the ambitious Aries, that would be accepting defeat:)

3. I love this story he told me. Sorry hope you dont mind me telling it.

" There was this friend i had who walked really fast and i walked too slow. Once, i asked her if she could slow down and her reply was," I have already slowed down a little. Now it is your turn to walk a bit faster.""

Moral of the story: Life is full of gives and takes. Dont always take and expect others to give all the time.

Something i will always remember "I have already slowed down a little. Now it is your turn to walk a bit faster".

4. In the aspect of relationships specifically, i have no goals, no aims, not specifically looking for that someone but neither am i rejecting any possiblities of falling in love again. To that effect i shall take back what i told my close friends about the next person being the final guy in my life, haha erase that from your memory. I am deleting that and bumming around. Now my priority is ME, MYSELF and I. If it happens, it happens but i wont think so much about it . Love is too complex for the confused me. Wait till i discover what i want and haha then i will be back in the race to find that IDEAL GUY. But again the unexpected can happen haha. I could be hit before i realized it. Maybe love will hit me when i least expect it and i will be swept off my feet before i even know what's happening. haha the romantic me talking.

5. Last reminder to myself to accept myself for who i am. i am an ARIES. i am a MOUSE. i am ESTHER.

On a lighter note here are a few song recommendations:

You are still the one - Shania Twain
Closing time - Semisonic
Cant stop loving you-Phill Collins

Ps: Now you cant complain i never put up any new post:)

I feel terrible

2005-10-22T08:03:00.000+08:00

Your anger scares me. I feel guilty i caused it. The person is innoncent. Lets just say that angry post was a wrong move but of course i cant stop u from being angry. If you really want to be angry be angry at me. For it is the stupid me who feels it, not him.

sobzzzzzzzz

2005-10-18T08:36:00.000+08:00

My laptop crashed on me.. Hopefully cheong's startup cd will work .. sigh i wish i can be in spore then quan can help me repair it.. or there is the trusty toshiba service centre in uni.. arghhh no com= no music or movies .. sigh so lonely at home but i am better studying at home but no musice = no better.. argghhh .. and i just tried to recharge my mp3 in sch and it hang.. not responding at all.. sigh why are the electronics bullying me!!

Pls note: That you wont see me online unless i am in uni

PS: Sorry mabel i cant send u the pict liao.. maybe u can take some of them off my blog. when my com is up i will definitely send u the pict :)

A mixture of pict taken in uni

2005-10-15T22:14:00.000+08:00

Heather doing w/w lab report in civil suite.. Still very happy as we can see
Wah everyone so hardworking
3 packs of milk tea! Lipton rawks!
Me being cool and hock acting cool:)All thanx to Mark's photography skills ( he forced me to say this bleh haha Just joking)
Managed to get a secret shot of Kenny! Haha i am a spy!
Carol and her last night in civil suite.. Check out those legs!
Who is that cry baby??
Mark's shot of TW.. Ps: Mark is infatuated with him haha
Me and cheong.. haha really difficult to get him to smile
Us being the cool dudes.. woah we are not cool man we are HOT!!
Woah boobie man!!

Sweet pict of me and mabel!

2005-10-15T20:25:00.000+08:00

Tough

2005-10-15T10:46:00.000+08:00

I am fighting it but i can feel that i am losing the battle... This is so tough.. I know i am leaving.. nothing can happen but yet..i guess i am falling....failing.. Tough.

-I need a sign. A sign that tells me what i should do.

Rugby game on a cold night at Jade stadium! Canterbury vs Auckland!

2005-10-15T08:56:00.000+08:00

Hock showing us his badminton 'special skill'

2005-10-15T08:32:00.000+08:00

Love is..

2005-10-13T04:43:00.000+08:00

Love is a slow kiss goodnight. It's anticipation.
Love is flirting outrageously with your partner and remembering that the person at your side is not obligated to do anything more. It's respect for each other.
Love is an imperfection in yourself/your partner not bothering you. It's acceptance.
Love is passing up an opportunity because the time isn't right yet. It's patience.
Love is a back rub that starts above the hairline and ends around the insoles. It's exploration.
Love is being given a honest chance to say no when you thought you were committed. It's consideration .
Love is saying the perfect phrase to make a solemn embrace dissolve into giggles. It's humor.
Love is being told 'stop and you'll be in trouble'. It's desire.
Love is seeing what your lover really looks like after the first time. It's truth.
Love is knowing what time it is and not caring. It's joy.
Love is the arms around you tightening their embrace. It's ecstasy.
It is seeing a new side of a person you thought you knew. It's renewal.
Love is telling a person if you have to leave, you will let them sleep, and being told they would rather be awakened. It's tenderness.
Love is two people only taking up a third of a king sized bed. It's closeness.
Love is knowing you gave your heart to the right person. It's trust.
Love is saying goodbye and knowing you will be back by mutual consent. It's faith.
Love is stretching your arms and discovering the real meaning of the word 'sore'. It's a lesson in human frailty.
Love is opening your medicine cabinet and finding your tube of toothpaste turned into a pretzel. It's adapting.
Love is sitting at the window, looking out and remembering who you were with the night before. It's reflection.
Love is hearing the weather for a winter storm and wishing you could spend it in bed with your lover. It's missing them when they are not there.
Love is hearing your partner snore, and finding it comforting. It's re-assurance.
Love is your heart beating a little faster when you see your partner, or get an email or an unexpected token. It's excitement.
Love is when you are having a really bad day, and he comes home with flowers "just because". It's sharing life together.

So unwilling to leave ...

2005-10-13T03:58:00.000+08:00

Just got back my 'autograph' from Fara... with all the pretty cute pictures she drew, all the memories we shared tog... Makes me feel sad that i am leaving. Argghhh i am so going miss the frens i made in NZ. If only Spore and NZ was like Spore and Malaysia haha...

~Treasure every single moment of your life cos the very next moment will never be the same as the first.

My happy day- missed a 3hr lecture in exchange but it was worth it!

2005-10-12T19:00:00.000+08:00

Apparent failure - Splash!

Bridge testing- the first pro civil engineers test out their bridge over a river

Alien invasion.Poor innoncent 'girl' victimised

I like this pict! Reminds me of Eusoff Dnd 04/05 haha me and my sweet fairy

Me and mabel drinking to our hearts content. haha we are beer junkies.. yar right.. beer not even ours

Carol, oli and me - all relaxed and expecting some goofy entertainment

A list of things i miss (in Spore)

2005-10-12T08:11:00.000+08:00

My silly sister
Mummy Liang's cooking !! - I shall never complain food not nice.
Daddy- haha my generous and nice daddy
My hamsters - Baby and Girl girl
Quan- haha i wan go sushi buffet!!
My 'healing' bed
My hall room -now no more liao
My loud neighbour- Polly wong aka miss polly pocket aka microscopic friend
My sweet friend- Mar aka aunti next door aka erm forget which friend are u leh
My 'counsellor'- Huaiwen haha poor u
Michelle- hehe u your infatuations
Elaine - my path to singlehood guide
Nasi lemak (pyramid rice) from Fong Seng
Char kuay teow-haha and i dun even eat it freqently in spore
Sushi buffet with Quan! -All the softshell crab handrolls and chawamushi!!
Orchard Road - The many many shops to shop at
Bugis -More shops!
North East line mrt
Tampines mutton soup
Ice kachang
Sentosa
My EV classmates- HQ, KP, KR, Lilian, Jiehe, Jason( joke on esterification), Mar, Ivy, Mark, etc etc

A pretty sight

2005-10-12T07:56:00.000+08:00

As i walked to class today, around me the wind swept the flower petals off the ground up in swirls and blew them off the trees. Such a natural and simple thing yet it filled me with emotion. Happy at the pretty sight yet sad cos i know that it could very possibly be the very last time i see such a pretty sight. But no matter what, i am glad that in my life i have a memory of this pretty sight. And maybe just maybe it will not be the last time i see it.

I miss home yet i dont want to leave NZ. Such a mix up. Make up your mind !!

English translation of Tong Hua by Guang Liang- Dedicated to all those who love this song yet do not understand chinese :)

2005-10-07T17:26:00.000+08:00

I have forgotten how long have i not heard you tell me your most loved story
I thought for a long timeI started to fluster did i do something wrong
You cried to me saying perhaps all fairy tales decieve and that it was impossible that i was your prince
But maybe you did not know that ever since you told me you loved me, my sky filled up with twinkling stars

i wish i could become the angel you love in the fairy tale
open my arms which turned into wings to protect you
You must believe, believe that we like the lovers in the fairy tale will have a happy ending

You cried to me saying perhaps all fairy tales decieve and that it was impossible that i was your prince
But maybe you did not understand that ever since you told me you loved me, my sky was filled with shining stars

i wish i could become the angel you love in the fairy tale
open my arms which turned into wings to protect you
You must believe, believe that we like the lovers in the fairy tale will have a happy ending

i want to become the angel you love in the fairy tale
open my arms which turned into wings to protect you
You must believe, believe that we like the lovers in the fairy tale will have a happy ending

i will become the angel you love in the fairy tale
open my arms which turned into wings to protect you
You must believe, believe that we like the lovers in the fairy tale will have a happy ending

Together we will write our ending

A beautiful song.. sad but beautiful (some parts of it)

2005-10-05T14:50:00.000+08:00

My life is brilliant
My love is pure
i saw an angel
And that i am sure
-------------
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
I saw your face in a crowded place and i dont know what to do
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
But i can't escape the truth
I will never be with u
-------------
Yes she caught my eye
As i walked on by
She can see from my face
That i was fucking high

I don' t think i will see her again
But we shared a moment
that will last till the end

The unknown

2005-10-03T21:07:00.000+08:00

The work is piling up and exams are in 2 plus weeks time.. meaning i am leaving NZ soon. A part of me is kind of reluctant especially after making such good friends here.. esp someone like ****(shall not name names here). Anyway it is surprising cos i never have had a friend who is older than me and take such good care of me like a big bro would. So for everything, I want to say a big big Thank you.. For just being u:)

At the same time i want to go home soon.. I miss my hamsters, my sis, my parents, my room, my noisy hallmates, my good friends and everything and everyone i left behind in spore. Haha want to go back where i have my mum to take care of my needs. it kind of make me wonder if i really get a job up north next yr, how am i going survive!!? cos it will be 6 long mths instead of just 4mths and i would have to get used to a new environment all over again.. make new friends, get used to working life and everything.

At this current stage of my life, everything is so uncertain. I cant even predict whether will i be in spore or NZ next yr.. talk abt the fear of the unknown. But no matter what i want to tell myself to follow my heart.. I guess this is a crucial stage where i make impt future determining choices. I know you will turn out fine.

I am reminded..

2005-10-02T21:57:00.000+08:00

Something happened which reminded me of how sweet someone can be and made me realise that the person is a real nice person. But a part of me just wants to stay out of a serious relationship. i guess i am tired of committment. And slowly beginning to enjoy singlehood where i have no one to account to. Alth i am stumbiling at times but i am learning to be single after so so long and somehow i dont want to stop learning..i feel so selfish but that is an ARIES to you. Sigh pls stop being so nice to me. I do not deserve it.

Arghhh.. confused

2005-10-02T11:23:00.000+08:00

Sigh as i realised more and more the effects of having an open blog.. haha as in i know a blog isnt private and all but then.. i dunno lar i intend my blog to be a place where i wan to just write my feelings without bothering abt pple reading it.. But now i done feel comfortable writing some stuff liao cos i know someone will be reading it ..as in i dun mind pple reading it but.. aiyah i am writing in circles now cos i am so confused..

BORED!! and DETERMINED

2005-09-30T17:48:00.000+08:00

so tired of asking pple do stuff tog with me.. but if i dun ask then i wont do anything .. if only there was this grp of pple as into stuff as i am.. anyway i am sooooooo borrrrrrrrrrrrrrred..

i am determined not to get drawn into this infatuation business.. it just doesnt work out and i get all silly me.. and cant be myself so why bother.. haha not going to like anyone anymore.. let other pple do the liking haha why bother myself over it ..

Whats with me today??

2005-09-26T17:51:00.000+08:00

Mood just so down. Miss home and feeling friendless.. Sigh such a bad combination. Snap out of it!! Somehow from all these i kind of know who are those i can always depend on.. No matter what, no matter where i can always depend on u guys. A big hugz for all of u! Michelle, Elaine, Mar, Xiaoyan and esp esp Huaiwen. I feel fortunate to have such great frens like u guys :)

She

2005-09-25T18:07:00.000+08:00

She
Elvis Costello(Notting Hill Soundtrack)

She
may be the face I can't forget
a trace of pleasure or regret
may be my treasure or the price I have to pay
she may be the song that summer sings
may be the chill that autumn brings
may be a hundred different things
within the measure of a day.

She
may be the beauty or the beast
may be the famine or the feast
may turn each day into a heaven or a hell
she may be the mirror of my dreams
a smile reflected in a stream
she may not be what she may seem
inside her shell

She
who always seems so happy in a crowd
whose eyes can be so private and so proud
no one's allowed to see them when they cry
she may be the love that cannot hope to last
may come to me from shadows of the past
that I'll remember till the day I die

She
may be be the reason I survive
the why and wherefor I'm alive
the one I'll care for through the rough and ready years
me I'll take her laughter and her tears
and make them all my souvenirs
for where she goes I've got to be
the meaning of my life is
she, she, oh she

Two little ducklings i once saw

2005-09-22T17:26:00.000+08:00

Saw these super cute ducklings with mother duck when i stepped out of engine fac! hee they were so cute and i so wanted to take a pict of them, regretting that i had no camera when i remembered silly me! what was a camera hp for haha.. Initially felt silly if i take out my hp and start snapping picts, was about to walk away but when i turned and looked at the happy threesome i just culdnt resist swiping out my hp and walking back to them:) Spent almost like 15 min of happy moments just following them around and trying my best to get a good pict. The mother duck was so protective ! if any one of the little ducklings came close to me it would start quacking loudly... sigh..anyway i was so tempted to bring one home with me but when i thought of how it would be all alone with no family.. i knew i culdn do it..

Resolution: Bring my camera along when i go out just in case i need to snap some scenery that i will never see again:)

A crazy night which started as Heather's crazy idea and Carol's boredem

2005-09-21T20:48:00.000+08:00

Mark's challenge to me and i did it after one bowl of snowball too!
Heather's pretty sweet smile:)
Siew Aun's look cant describe it..
Mark pretending to be shy again..

Took up the challenge on the banana split as a challenge for myself. Was a serious challenge considering i had just finish a bowl of snowball. Maybe to prove to myself i can still do whatever i want and i managed to do so. But why after i finished off the banana split, my heart sunk. Was it cos i knew that this was no way i shul treat my body. I am sick for heaven's sake and yet i cleaned two bowls of ice cream. U really shouldnt do such things. Love yourself and treat yourself well.

Poem i would like to share

2005-09-21T15:14:00.000+08:00

Here's a little poem from the book of poems i am reading - Conamara Blues:

Fluent

I would love to live
Like a river flows,
Carried by the surprise
Of its own unfolding.

PS: Guess this is how i feel now

The best laugh i had in a long time

2005-09-20T15:19:00.000+08:00

I cannot believe it! the time when i really cheered up was cos of my sillyness. Here is how silly i can get...

I was in the com lab, " crypt". First time i was there then was leaving to go back my room and continue with my troublesome report, so i said my goodbyes to Cheong, Anthony and Mabel. At the doors which was made up of two door panels, i tried pushing the left panel and it wouldnt open. Then i saw a switch. (Before i go on any further i must clarify that it is all cos of the engineering block which has such stupid switches and cos of my fren's flat and of course i am not denying the fact that i am really bad at doors.Bleh.) Anyway guess wat i went to press the switch thinking it will unlock the door.. and all of a sudden the entire com lab turned pitch black. OMIGOD!!!! Stupidly i had turned off the lights. So embarrassed! i quickly turned on the lights and scurried back to where my friends were. Haha come to think of it i should have made a quick getaway instead haha but i guessed i seek comfort in numbers. Anyway i was so embarrassed! Now i finally understand the meaning of " i wish a hole in the ground would open up then " I can only thank my blessings it wasnt the switch to the computer powers or something like that if not i will not only get some angry stares.. haha anyway i guess that was the most embarrassing moment in my life. And hmmm i kinda like it .. haha

Everyone tells me ..

2005-09-20T11:41:00.000+08:00

Time will heal the wound. It is my only life buoy and i want to grab hold tightly of this hope and never let it go. But for now i just wish someone can just make me stop feeling. i want to be emotionless.

One snowy day in Christchurch

2005-09-19T20:37:00.000+08:00

3 little ducklings i once knew.. Fat ones skinny ones .. yummy too..muahaha
Andrew trying to commit suicide...NOOOOOOO!!
Beautiful snowy uni.. i love the scenery here

My pretty fren, Carol with her sunshine smile:)

Snowing in christchurch

2005-09-19T20:03:00.000+08:00

Not my first time i see snow but the first time i had a snowball fight and the first time i experience hail. (FYI: hail is something like snowing but instead of soft snow u get hard icicles which can really be painful:)) A peace offering of snow for all u guys out there:)

Unspoken words

2005-09-18T19:57:00.000+08:00

He: i will go watch the moon, take in some fresh air.

Unspoken: wish i could be there....

Pls pls let this stop hurting.

2005-09-18T18:35:00.000+08:00

The first success in this chapt of my life

2005-09-18T18:29:00.000+08:00

Yea i finally figured out how to post audio file and added on chatterbox feature
somthing i wanted to do for so long.. it was tough and frustrating but i did it!.. not bad esther!haha a minor success but it means so much to me in this period of time. i love myself!

2005-09-18T18:25:00.000+08:00

Realization

2005-09-18T17:33:00.000+08:00

i read ur blog. something i have not done for a long time. then i realised how much of ur life i have missed and maybe is my fault taking u for granted. u really have changed. u will make another girl very happy. it hurt seeing another person call u 'quan' and make me wonder how much do i really know u anymore. i guess it is time to let go. time to focus on myself.

New aim

2005-09-18T16:17:00.000+08:00

My present aim is to live life like normal.

Remember: The world doesnt stop revolving for u

2005-09-18T08:42:00.000+08:00

This morning when i woke up
I sat in bed letting the realization of what happened last night hit me
As i scrolled through the sms u sent me
Tears rolled down.

As i stood under the shower
Thoughts raced through my mind
The phonecall that was full of laugh and tears
Love and sadness,
Uncertain yet certain.

i asked for one last request
To hear him sing our song
As he sung, my heart wrenched
The lyrics once so beautiful and full of hope
Had a poignant sadness to them
As I realised that the words in the lyrics may never come true for us.

We agreed to hang up on the count of three.
At the count of three, i whispered that i love him
For maybe the very last time
Before he replied,
I hung up pressing hard on the button
For a very long time i pressed on to the button,afraid
Silly as it may seem, i felt that if i really released the button, i would lose him
But in actual fact i had already lost him.

Under the shower, i weeped.
Until now i do not know if this was the right thing to do
With that phonecall, i lost my boyfriend and gained a best friend
I can only hope that what we are doing is right
And wish that no matter what happens,
we will find true happiness.

'If you really love her, you've gotta set her free
and if she returns in kind, i'll know she is mine'

To you, i want to thank for all the happy sweet memories u gave me. i will always associate these memories with the warm happy feeling of eating an ice cream at the beach. I want to thank u for always being so accepting of me, my weaknesses and all. U taught me lots of stuff that i never knew.i wish i.. but there isnt much point in wishing anymore.i just want to let u know that u had a special place in my heart and maybe always will.

Kaikoura

2005-09-12T22:45:00.000+08:00

My very first stop. The place to catch whales in action. But sadly i didntmanage to do it. Anyway on the bright side i saw seals lazing around on therocks near Point kean. It was all natural! Not a zoo or anything like that.Just seals which had swam up onto the shore. Really awesome and i went up asclose as i dared. hee and realised that seals snort loudly! Next we went tothe Animal Farm hee not the Animal Farm by George Owells though. Anyway thiswas where i realised how scary chickens can be when u have food with u. Itotally disliked them. Stealing from the poor innoncent rabbits and guineapigs. This was where i met my fren lambie! Hee he/she is my friend cos he/shewould only interact with me and not William or Petrina. Hee which is kind offlattering. And lambie is sooo cute. Initially it would not interact with usand would run away. Then we started playing with the dog soccer and lambiewanted to play too. it would go to the ball and butt the ball gently with itshead. Hee then it started to eat the food from me and it even stood up on itshind legs. Awesome.

Finally in the evening, i wanted to go to the beach andpoor William had to drive me there. It was freezing but i got a nice shot fthe mountains. It looked as if it was on fire.We stayed at Dusky Lodge.Not abad place. The place where i learnt that canned peaches with cereal and milkwas yummy!

Kaikoura Pict

2005-09-12T22:35:00.000+08:00

Do I know what i really want?

2005-08-10T21:53:00.000+08:00

Have you ever stopped and ask yourself this question, " Do i know what i really want?" And all of a sudden as you look back at the choices you have made in life, at the position you are in.. you wonder have you really become what you really wnat to be, did you make the right choices? So mamny unanswered questions and no single absolute answer. Thus I have decided to leave it to fate and see what lies ahead of me. No point in trying hard to keep things unchanged and questioning yourself am i doing the right thing.

~Whats meant to be will be and whats meant to be yours will be yours eventually. Live life to the fullest and enjoy whatever you have right at that moment. And i believe life will be so much better.

2005-08-09T21:14:00.000+08:00

2005-08-08T13:33:00.000+08:00

Flat Dinner Photos

2005-08-08T13:29:00.000+08:00

Wild wild fun!

2005-08-07T11:25:00.000+08:00

This weekend was Awesome!! Hee on fri night went down to Hoyts, the cinema at riccarton mall and watched the movie, The Longest Yard. And i think Adam Sandler is cute!! haha keep thinking of him in the movie. The Wedding Singer. Oh and we went down to chinatown or i think it is called that hee to a chinese resturant where i had pi dan shou rou zhou! Yummy!! so long never eat century eggs liao hee :)

On sat went shopping with carol.. haha i know i broke my no shopping rule but at least i did not just do shopping this weekend hee my excuses.. Oh and i bought this espirit pale pink bag for only NZ$19.95!! Haha great bargain man and is like A4 size kind so i can bring to sch!! hee say bye bye to my backpack! haha i know if carol reads this she is going to be so pek chec hehe but u didnt want to buy one.. haha :)

Got back around 5 and slacked around a bit then started preparing to cook curry chicken for our flat dinner. haha talking abt it, it was so funny cos i never really made it before so was super worried hee then went online and asked the asians to like teach me step by step.. hehe then while i was cooking i kept running into my room to check the steps on my laptop hehe.. so ridiculous.. haha anyway i cooked curry chicken which i think was ok except maybe a bit too spicy for my flatmates and Todd cooked terayaki chicken, Jenn made fruit salad and Lex made cocount bread from scratch! it was super amazing and delicious hee. All hail to Lex, the master of cooking hee. Gonna get him to teach me how to make it :)Anyway i have some pict from the flat dinner hee which are posted here. OK let me introduce you to them hee and u try to match the faces lar.. i too lazy to fill in captions for each pict hehe.

1. Lex ( The funny guy, camera shy yet always snatching the camera to take photos of others. Thats why all the photos of him are taken when he is not noticing. He is the tall, hunky one. From somore islands but a PR over here. PS: Quite a looker too)

2. Todd ( Hawian cum chinese cum Jap also on exchange, doing a course in engineering. he is ony 20 haha so for those who are interested in guys that are younger- aka the cute guy)

3. Haruki ( Japanese. The silent one:) )

4. Ding Nan(DN) ( Tall chinese guy)

5. Jenn ( American also on exchange doing course on journalisim. haiwe are the only 2 girls i the entire flat:) )

Oh and thats all.. to help u guys differentiate who is who. In the photos that i take with another individual. I only took that with Haruki(the one with specs), Todd and Jenn.. Hee so lex is the ang moh and DN is the chinese. Hee pretty easy work. So all u gals out there hee i have some pict of eye candy for u gals. Haha:)

In the night went clubbing with the peeps, Heather,Melvin, Carol and Siew Aun. Before i went i took a photot of myself haha zi lian anyway for those who miss me hee enjoy the pict of me all made up and ready to PARTTTTYYY...Hee we went to this club called Coyote along The Strip. Hee it was really fun. i tried lots of stuff i never tried before hee must ask Melvin whats the name of those shots soon. Anyway i had a shot that we must lick the salt off our hand, drink the shot then suck on a peice of lemon hee super cool stuff haha. And i drank the shot with fire!! hee and it was so embarrasing cos i think i sucked too hard and quick, and i could feel it go into my nose! gross.. hee oh i had another sort of baileys and something mixed.. and lastly a bottle of fruity alcohol hee called Archers apple. It was so silly cos i saw pple drinking the Archers apple and i wanted to drink that but i didnt know the name so i walked to an empty bottle on the bar counter to take a look at the name haha.. Hopefully no one was looking at the stupid thing i was doing haha.. Oh and as usual i got high haha really high..haha at times i was tipsy that i could lose my balance if someone pushed me.. hee luckily i had my good peeps around me to take care of me :) I cant believe myself i am really letting go of myself hee having such a wild time here..and to think i never once got so high in spore before..

Oh and i met new frens like michelle too..Now i know so many michelles! Actually i got introduced to many pple but haha cant really remem their names... remem only how they looked.. hee really awesome night!I love u guys! Thanx for being onz abt clubbing last night!

PS:Now i know what kind of person is Siew Aun. As they say there are 2 ways pple react when they are drunk. One, is they go crazy another is they stay quiet.. hee and Siew Aun belongs to the latter grp.. hee now i know still thought he was just feeling xian last night:)

I blast my music..

2005-08-02T16:37:00.000+08:00

when i am moody. i am blasting my music now so i guess i am moody now.. I feel like crying .. i feel so alone here..even when i am blasting my music no one will know that i am moody unlike xiaoyan and ask me abt it... Just walked to the lib alone in the dark.. my first time out when it is dark..on the way i saw this couple and i wished u were here. u were here to hold me when i am moody to cheer me up by ur silly ways. to keep me warm and safe. i always tell myslef to be independent cos i am a big girl and i can take care of myself. i like looking up at the sky and see the twinkling stars and tell myself that u are close by cos we will be looking at the very same stars. sigh i think i having pms. dun bother abt me.

2005-08-01T19:00:00.000+08:00

Photos continued

2005-08-01T18:22:00.000+08:00

Pictures Taken Around Cathedral Square

2005-08-01T17:40:00.000+08:00

Some weekend updates

2005-07-31T19:07:00.000+08:00

The past weekend i din do anything special.. Haha except went to a international pot luck party where i met more french pple.. Hee and not forgetting the 2 chinese gals i met (grace and ella) and really had lots of fun talking and teasing each other. Drank this specially connocted drink with coconut milk, sugar, rum and pineapple. hee tasted like bo bo cha cha though.. Ate some interesting food like bananas toasted with cheese and i had yummy chinese dumplings(jiao zi) and yummy chicken curry haha that was from of us of course.. there were only like 4 asians (me, carol, grace and ella) Hee we were the asian representitives hee. Oh and the house we went to was up on the hills! However when we got there it was pretty dark and there was nothing much to be seen except the night scene hee which comprised of mostly night lights.. But the sky was awesome! The twinkling stars looked so close.. I felt that i could just reach out to them:)

Oh and i also went to town. Took some pictures around the cathedral square in town. Gonna post them up here.

Also went shopping again with William and we got lost! haha we really walked a lot that day! Haha and guys u wont believe this i bought and authenticated levis jeans for only NZ $25!! Hee maybe is not the latest design but what the heck! Anyway this is like going to be my last shopping trip hee crossing my fingers here. I have decided that i should not spend my time here shopping and instead go to places and try out new things more:) So from no on i am going to arrange my weekend outings during the weeekdays so by the time weekend is here i wont be like slacking around doing nothing special..

Lastly i wonder how is everyone doing.. Bet starting sch sucks big time.I am procastinating with my revision and i have like 2 tests in 2 weeks time! Better pull those socks up! Anyway if anyone is caring , hee i am eating really well.. Haha i am so proud of myself about this. I can take care of myself ! But sometimes i do miss those times when i could just depend on someone else. This is the time when i really appreciate my mum :)

Oh one more thing is that i am going to overcome my barriers and mix around more . Enough of asians are not able to mix with others idea. I am determined to overcome this barrier. Haha i am sure Huaqin supports me on this. And Huaqin if u are reading this, Help me take good care of Mar:)

The Personality Test

2005-07-25T20:58:00.000+08:00

To take the test that i took, go to this website..

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

After completing it , you will get a four letter alphabet. With this, get the personality description at this website
http://www.personalitypage.com/portraits.html

Try it! I think is really accurate but of course dun screw the test up:)

A very accurate personality test result of myself

2005-07-25T20:29:00.000+08:00

Portrait of an ISTJ - Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging(Introverted Sensing with Extraverted Thinking)
The Duty Fulfiller
As an ISTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically.

ISTJs are quiet and reserved individuals who are interested in security and peaceful living. They have a strongly-felt internal sense of duty, which lends them a serious air and the motivation to follow through on tasks. Organized and methodical in their approach, they can generally succeed at any task which they undertake.

ISTJs are very loyal, faithful, and dependable. They place great importance on honesty and integrity. They are "good citizens" who can be depended on to do the right thing for their families and communities. While they generally take things very seriously, they also usually have an offbeat sense of humor and can be a lot of fun - especially at family or work-related gatherings.

ISTJs tend to believe in laws and traditions, and expect the same from others. They're not comfortable with breaking laws or going against the rules. If they are able to see a good reason for stepping outside of the established mode of doing things, the ISTJ will support that effort. However, ISTJs more often tend to believe that things should be done according to procedures and plans. If an ISTJ has not developed their Intuitive side sufficiently, they may become overly obsessed with structure, and insist on doing everything "by the book".
The ISTJ is extremely dependable on following through with things which he or she has promised. For this reason, they sometimes get more and more work piled on them. Because the ISTJ has such a strong sense of duty, they may have a difficult time saying "no" when they are given more work than they can reasonably handle. For this reason, the ISTJ often works long hours, and may be unwittingly taken advantage of.

The ISTJ will work for long periods of time and put tremendous amounts of energy into doing any task which they see as important to fulfilling a goal. However, they will resist putting energy into things which don't make sense to them, or for which they can't see a practical application. They prefer to work alone, but work well in teams when the situation demands it. They like to be accountable for their actions, and enjoy being in positions of authority. The ISTJ has little use for theory or abstract thinking, unless the practical application is clear.

ISTJs have tremendous respect for facts. They hold a tremendous store of facts within themselves, which they have gathered through their Sensing preference. They may have difficulty understanding a theory or idea which is different from their own perspective. However, if they are shown the importance or relevance of the idea to someone who they respect or care about, the idea becomes a fact, which the ISTJ will internalize and support. Once the ISTJ supports a cause or idea, he or she will stop at no lengths to ensure that they are doing their duty of giving support where support is needed.

The ISTJ is not naturally in tune with their own feelings and the feelings of others. They may have difficulty picking up on emotional needs immediately, as they are presented. Being perfectionists themselves, they have a tendency to take other people's efforts for granted, like they take their own efforts for granted. They need to remember to pat people on the back once in a while.

ISTJs are likely to be uncomfortable expressing affection and emotion to others. However, their strong sense of duty and the ability to see what needs to be done in any situation usually allows them to overcome their natural reservations, and they are usually quite supporting and caring individuals with the people that they love. Once the ISTJ realizes the emotional needs of those who are close to them, they put forth effort to meet those needs.

The ISTJ is extremely faithful and loyal. Traditional and family-minded, they will put forth great amounts of effort at making their homes and families running smoothly. They are responsible parents, taking their parenting roles seriously. They are usually good and generous providers to their families. They care deeply about those close to them, although they usually are not comfortable with expressing their love. The ISTJ is likely to express their affection through actions, rather than through words.

ISTJs have an excellent ability to take any task and define it, organize it, plan it, and implement it through to completion. They are very hard workers, who do not allow obstacles to get in the way of performing their duties. They do not usually give themselves enough credit for their achievements, seeing their accomplishments simply as the natural fulfillment of their obligations.

ISTJs usually have a great sense of space and function, and artistic appreciation. Their homes are likely to be tastefully furnished and immaculately maintained. They are acutely aware of their senses, and want to be in surroundings which fit their need for structure, order, and beauty.

Under stress, ISTJs may fall into "catastrophe mode", where they see nothing but all of the possibilities of what could go wrong. They will berate themselves for things which they should have done differently, or duties which they failed to perform. They will lose their ability to see things calmly and reasonably, and will depress themselves with their visions of doom.
In general, the ISTJ has a tremendous amount of potential. Capable, logical, reasonable, and effective individuals with a deeply driven desire to promote security and peaceful living, the ISTJ has what it takes to be highly effective at achieving their chosen goals - whatever they may be.

ISTJs as Friends
Although friendships do not rank highest in the ISTJ's list of important relationships (whose duties and obligation to the Family rank above all else), they do have value these relationships and put effort into enhancing and maintaining them. The ISTJ is likely to choose to be around people who have similar interests and perspectives to their own, and are likely to not have much patience with people who are very different from themselves.
Although their usual mode of being is very serious-minded, ISTJs like to have fun and let loose. They like being with Extraverts who are optimistic and fun-minded, although the E's enthusiasm may eventually get on the ISTJ's nerves. ISTJs can get along with most other types, but they especially form solid connections with other Sensing Judgers. The ISTJ's respect for laws and traditions may make them unable to relate well to Sensing Perceiving types, although they admire their carefree ability to live for the moment. And conversely, the Sensing Perceiving types may see the ISTJ's need for structure as too conservative or scheduled for their tastes. ISTJs seem to get along well with Intuitives, although they cannot really relate to some of the Intuitives perspectives.

i am such a jealous jello..

2005-07-25T15:50:00.000+08:00

sigh, i think i am such a jealous gal.. i want him to give me freedom but i feel jealousy in me when i hear other gals and him.. sigh sigh.. maybe i should practise see no evil , hear no evil...:(

More of my room

2005-07-24T13:39:00.000+08:00

Photos

2005-07-24T12:02:00.000+08:00

Top photo to bottom :

Me and Quan on the way to airport
Me and Quan making funny faces on the way to the airport
Me and the wonderful hall peeps before i fly off
Me and 3 out of the 7 stars before i fly off
Me and the new frens i met during bowling( Marina, Charlene, Hesther)
Me and the new frens i met during bowling ( Jo, carolyn)
My messy room in Ilam Village

Having a whale of time in Christchurch!

2005-07-24T11:11:00.000+08:00

Whee I am having so much fun over here. Hee Huaiwen u are so right.. I will not regret going for SEP at all! Hee but then the fact that I am having so much fun is all thanks to my wonderful classmate, Carolyn(Carol)..She has been jioing me to go this and that ..hee helping me really settle in here.. hee..just to update u guys on the past weekend..

Yesterday(Sat), Carolyn jio me to go this bowling activity by the University of Canterbury Singapore Students Society(UCSSS). Oh on a side note, Carolyn is Malaysian but she is also a member in the UCSSS. Apparently the Singaporeans and Malaysians are members of both the Singaporean and Malaysian club. Haha and this bowling was the time when I set a new record for myself.. still cant believe it haha shul have taken a pict of the computer screen with my score haha.. but of course it was not really correct cos they were playing in the way that if u got 8 out of 10 pins down it is already considered a strike.. Haha but who cares I got 107!! Yipee!

At bowling I met a couple of gals. There was Joesphine(Jo)..Carol tells me she is Singapore’s YEO’s brand owner’s granddaughter. Hee she is very fun to be with. There is Marina, don’t really remember where is she from but she is supposed to be a dance goddess from what Charlene says of her. Marina was recommending me to a club that plays salsa music on certain days and u can actually go there and the customers there will teach u if u don’t know how to dance. Talk about a friendly environment. It sounds super cool. I so want to go there soon. Haha have been bugging Carol and Heather to go clubbing soon. I think it is great that I am able to meet pple who are into dancing and not so much abt drinking. Hee just like me! Haha oh I have not mentioned Heather yet. She is another classmate and is Carol’s good friend too. Heather is so cute cos of her dreamy character. Hee she reminds me of Margaret mainly cos of her complexion and also cos she lives with 2 brothers too. Then there is Charlene, also a Singaporean and she is real bubbly and very good with kids. Did I mention that she I think she is pretty hee is the sporty fun pretty which I like.

Oh after bowling, we went to the supermarket (COUNTDOWN) to get some stuff before heading to the party down at Heather’s hse. It was a victory party (something like out inter hall victory supper but this was for the inter uni Malaysians) and a surprise bdae party for Mark. Hee I bought beer but then we had a problem with the cashier cos I had no ID and alth Carol had ID on her they wouldn’t let us buy it. And when carol went into the supermarket another time alone to buy it. Apparently the cashier had informed other cashiers abt us and was pretty rude to carol saying something like she was busted earlier on.. which was really silly I think. Poor carol.. Anyway we had to drive down to another supermarket and picked up the beer before heading to the party.

Initially things were pretty awkward cos they were doing their victory party and I was so off but then when the bdae party started things got pretty cool hee.. Met more pple like Peiling, Rachel.. And I got to see why the gals liked to hug Mark so much cos he was like a big teddy bear.:)I drank like 3 cups of mixed alcoholic drinks and got a little bit tipsy.. I was still sober but cul feel a little bit dizzy in my head. Hee the first time I actually experienced it but it was cool.. hee glad I din turn red. Oh and the highlight of the day was when they filled this long thing with 8 cans of beer and got Mark to drink it all up in 4++min. He was really good but then later when the effects of the drink got to him…the puking was terrible..

Hee that’s all for my first exciting weekend in Christchurch. Cant wait to make more new friends and have many new experiences!

Friendship

2005-07-21T16:06:00.000+08:00

Sigh, looking back just makes me sad..I have come to a conclusion of myself.. that i make new friends easily but i do not make close friends as easily as i wish to. I think maybe i have barriers towards trusting others, maybe there is the fear of pple not liking me the way i am, but i do know when i do open up pple generally like me however i just cant cross my self barrier...

I think xiaoyan is right sometimes when i am forced under circumstances when i just put away all my worries and just go into some stranger's room and babble abt anything it kind of break the ice even though pple may be like xiaoyan and think i am crazy initially haha.. but of course i managed to get a good friend like xiaoyan which is not bad excluding all the screaming she does.. really wonder if she can stop being lazy and read my blog haha.. if sheactually does i bet she has lots of comments abt my posts..

One big thing that always worries me is why do i not keep in touch with some frens as much as i do to others.. Cos i know very clearly when it comes to the 7 gals clich i do make a definite effort. sometimes i wonder is it cos i feel that there are friendships more worthwhile than others.. but of course that is silly cos all friendships shul be impt.. or is it cos i know some friendships get reprocicated more than others..and i am such a sucker for 2 way relationships.. Maybe that is the reason why..

Haha reading my posts some may wonder what am i rambling about and why did i suddenly talk abt it. haha let me just state that it is not cos i am here in NZ that i am thinkin foolish thoughts but cos i just read someone's blog..

i have a confession to make.. there is a particular grp of frens that was supposed to be my lifelong frens.. however i do not keep in contact with any single one of them.. as in there is no effort on my side to keep in contact with any of them.. it is kind of upsetting to think abt how things have become. However i think maybe i wasnt really ever part of the whole happy family grp..or rather there was something that happened that was also kind of my fault that it happened cos i did not manage relationships well but also it made me wonder.. if you are really my friend, or even supposed to be my close friend, would you ever do that to me.. even if u were unhappy abt something, would you get everybody to gang up on me? But of course gossiping kills and words get twisted along the way.. i just wonder maybe one day if i can get pass this wondering, i may go to one of the get togethers.. and maybe a big maybe learn to trust them again...

i need a hug.

Mastering the art of cooking...

2005-07-21T15:39:00.000+08:00

Hehe as u guys read from the title, prepare for some massive bhb stuff in this post! Haha are u ready? here goes...

I am definitely going to be a wonderful cook when i get back to spore.. hee of course not wonderful as in the master chef wonderful but wonderful as in i can whip up a delicious meal hee.. something that will fill ur stomaches and say.. mmm.. haha. hopefully i learn to make interesting dishes too so when i go back spore i can whip them up.. haha maybe next time when we have the next sleepover at Huiawen's, i can whip up some night snacks..haha no need go to the erm whats that hawker centre called.. haha forget liao..

Such strong winds..

2005-07-18T20:27:00.000+08:00

Many like to tell me that i am so thin that the winds can blow me away and i never really believed that it was possible. However the winds today proved me wrong! There was this wind that blew from behind me and i felt pushed forward a little while i was walking! Super super awesome feeling ! haha that was definitely a first!

Had a minor disagreement with quan quan about the expectations of each other. But it turned out well after we each said our piece. Guess we really need to be generous and understanding of each other. And kick away the ugly selfish self..

i like coming online on msn and chatting with my frens back in spore.. makes me wonder what they are doing back home.. surprisingly i kinda miss spore as a whole. i miss the super hot weather, the very busy orchard road and the whole staying up till the wee hrs of the morn.. most of all i think i miss the hall life. i miss shouting across the hallway when swanny still lived opposite me .. or pattering barefooted over to xiaoyan's or cheryl's room for a chit chat.. of course the bad habit was learnt from xiaoyan.. i definitely miss having xiaoyan around.. the sense that someone knew when i had lessons and when i would be back.. the fact that i knew her whereabouts too..and i defintely miss scaring her haha when i go crazy with stress. Haha and i will never forget the silly water tap joke me and cheryl played on her! hee wonder will anyone miss me back home as much as i miss them..

i think after this trip, i may regain the trust in pple that i think i lost in jc. The trust that pple will respond to your friendliness and i will be able to allow the frienly person inside me to come out. Scraping away any inferiority complex i possess. This is definitely one thing i am looking forward to change in me. And i will then be proud to say i love myself. And xiaoyan can stop saying that i am dao haha.

My first update on life in christchurch

2005-07-12T20:27:00.000+08:00

It is like 12.27am over here.. which alth is not yet sleeping time in spore but over here it is pretty much dead by 10pm at least it is in my flat. The sky gets dark by 5pm and there are like minimial street lights so walking on the streets after 5pm is pretty scary. Haha but anyway it is too cold for that. There was once i was on the street at 11am and my teeth wouldnt stop chattering.. really freezing cold.. especially when the winds blow. Oh and i discovered that pple in winter stuff their hands in the pockets and walk around not cos they are acting cool and nonchalant but cos it is too cold to have ur hands dangling freely in the open. So haha that is new. This few days is exceptionally colder. There was frost on the grass and it was quite a pretty sight. No snow though.. i gues it doesnt snow much in christchurch.

i have such a shity timetable have lessons at 8am on wed and 9 am the other days hee but at least my fri is free.. so woohoo.. long weekend! hee hope i can get some sightseeing done.. if only i wont be lazy haha..Oh to make all nus and ntu peeps envious, i have got to announce that i have a 2 week mid term break! Haha i know you guys feel like hacking me.. Actually my timetable seems pretty relaxed, especially considering that i am taking 2 level 4 (equivalent to yr 4) and 1 level 3 engineering courses and one only has 3 1 hr tut sessions the whole term while the other 2 does not. And one has like 6 lab sessions but we are only required to go for 1 of them and submit a lab report for that.. So really it is so relax.. Surprisingly, i have to attend more classes for my level one accountancy and psych course, i have like weekly tut for account. and 8 labs for psych. However one big problem of studying here is that there is no such open book exam concept.. so most likely everything is closed book which is really going to be a challenge for me.

Hee and thats all for the weather and sch, i will update more on my going ons in christchurch, the cute guys , the friends i have made etc. Hopefully i can upload some eye candy for u gals. Oh and on a side note, as internet is not free, i will be coming online after 8pm spore time which is 12am nz time. Hee cos the internet costs are halved after 12am over here. Anyways no free internet sucks big time! =)

I miss all of u peeps, esp u quan quan. Hmm now that u are at orientation and we dont get to talk in the nights like we did the past few days. Hope you are having fun hee and do remember to keep the agreement. Haha don't do anything i wont do. Remember.. i am watching u.... Haha okook a disclaimer, i am not as possessive as i sound here..Love ya peeps

2005-06-27T22:59:00.000+08:00

2005-06-27T22:52:00.000+08:00