Friendship
Sigh, looking back just makes me sad..I have come to a conclusion of myself.. that i make new friends easily but i do not make close friends as easily as i wish to. I think maybe i have barriers towards trusting others, maybe there is the fear of pple not liking me the way i am, but i do know when i do open up pple generally like me however i just cant cross my self barrier...I think xiaoyan is right sometimes when i am forced under circumstances when i just put away all my worries and just go into some stranger's room and babble abt anything it kind of break the ice even though pple may be like xiaoyan and think i am crazy initially haha.. but of course i managed to get a good friend like xiaoyan which is not bad excluding all the screaming she does.. really wonder if she can stop being lazy and read my blog haha.. if sheactually does i bet she has lots of comments abt my posts..
One big thing that always worries me is why do i not keep in touch with some frens as much as i do to others.. Cos i know very clearly when it comes to the 7 gals clich i do make a definite effort. sometimes i wonder is it cos i feel that there are friendships more worthwhile than others.. but of course that is silly cos all friendships shul be impt.. or is it cos i know some friendships get reprocicated more than others..and i am such a sucker for 2 way relationships.. Maybe that is the reason why..
Haha reading my posts some may wonder what am i rambling about and why did i suddenly talk abt it. haha let me just state that it is not cos i am here in NZ that i am thinkin foolish thoughts but cos i just read someone's blog..
i have a confession to make.. there is a particular grp of frens that was supposed to be my lifelong frens.. however i do not keep in contact with any single one of them.. as in there is no effort on my side to keep in contact with any of them.. it is kind of upsetting to think abt how things have become. However i think maybe i wasnt really ever part of the whole happy family grp..or rather there was something that happened that was also kind of my fault that it happened cos i did not manage relationships well but also it made me wonder.. if you are really my friend, or even supposed to be my close friend, would you ever do that to me.. even if u were unhappy abt something, would you get everybody to gang up on me? But of course gossiping kills and words get twisted along the way.. i just wonder maybe one day if i can get pass this wondering, i may go to one of the get togethers.. and maybe a big maybe learn to trust them again...
i need a hug.
posted by snoozegal @ 4:06 PM
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